An Apology

I have an apology for you dear readers and friends.  It’s not that I have nothing to write.  I have a head full of posts, some half written, photos ready to go but they don’t read like I’ve written them.  They’re not good enough for me to be prepared to share at the moment – so I’m not able to hit ‘publish’ – I’m sure I’ll go back over them, tweak and then let them loose on the internet but just not now.

Someone said to me today that the damp weather was making her depressed and how was I?  I said I was fine.  I didn’t say that if she was only being dragged down by damp weather and having to pick her children up from school what a lucky lady she was.  Nor that I suspected she had no idea what depression was like.  Or what it’s been like for the first week of school in our house – juggling clinical needs, bleeding noses, anxiety, stress, anger, snot, partial dislocations, tantrums and general exhaustion.  When even a trip to the zoo in the most beautiful sunny warmth did nothing to appease the anguish of the return to the classroom.

How frustrating it is to have to go through, again, everything that my children can’t do – accentuate the negative, explain the pain, the fatigue, the anxiety, the importance of medication.  How hard it is to sit at work/home and feel physically sick when the school number comes up, again, on my mobile.

I’ve a big meeting on Friday – I’ve prepared, I’ve worried, I’ve written notes, I’ve worried.  Once it’s done I will be able to make a plan – whether that’s going with a plan that someone else is making, or wondering how the **** I’m going to do it by myself.  Once that’s done, normal service may resume. 

 

Comments

  1. Mummy barrow says

    Oh you big love. I have nothing to say but that I love you and wish I could help

    Here if you need a hug

    • Jenny; Cheetahs In My Shoes & Just Photos By Me says

      Thank you so much T – at the moment the target is not to cry (again) at school and to not break anything or anyone. Those seem the toughest ‘to do’ list I’ve had for a while x

    • Jenny; Cheetahs In My Shoes & Just Photos By Me says

      Thank you my darling – for so much x

  2. Emma says

    oh big hugs, you are so strong. The start of term is exhausting for all so I’m sure it is doubly (tripley) exhausting for your gang.

    • Jenny; Cheetahs In My Shoes & Just Photos By Me says

      words cannot explain the tiredness – it’s not just the newness, it’s the change and the physical exertion. I am, for the first time, counting the days to half term.

  3. Anya from The Healer and Older Single Mum says

    Oh Jenny, so sad it’s all gone tits up. Noticed you were quiet and am going to chase less publicly. You’re children are so wonderful (not difficult to see where they get THAT from) and all this negativity and strain must be heartbreaking. You owe nobody apologies. Rest and take care of your brood. We love you. And thank you for still sharing stunning pics xx

    • Jenny; Cheetahs In My Shoes & Just Photos By Me says

      Thank you Anya – my photography is good for me, although the last few days I haven’t even felt like getting the camera out. I have spent today on the sofa – once Friday is done, hopefully I’ll get back in the groove x

  4. mammasaurus says

    Oh sausage, I wish I knew what to say.For now remember this, you may be tired and sore and worried but you have the comfiest boobies*
    *source credit :Kitty

    • Jenny; Cheetahs In My Shoes & Just Photos By Me says

      Well if Kitty needs to test them again, just let me know xxx

  5. Debbie Watts says

    Sorry you are having a hard time Jenny. Have you seen the photography challenge #iheartfaces a photo a day. Tomorrow’s one would be good for you, subject Up, made for cloud pictures! Might be a welcome distraction for you. Thinking of you.

    • Jenny; Cheetahs In My Shoes & Just Photos By Me says

      I did look up, and you saw the results! Here’s to more looking up days x

  6. MummyNeverSleeps says

    Oh sweetheart. I so wish I could do anything to help, I’ll be thinking of you on Friday and sending you all my love. We’re all here you for dude, whenever you need xxx

  7. Otilia - @romanianmum says

    Big squeezy hug! i am so so so sorry you are feeling like this. I think this is what most people don’t understand…Being depressed because of the weather and actually suffering of depression is different…
    Why is depression such a tabu subject i don’t know…
    I suffer too and i started to take Aconite ( a homeopathic medicine) and it really helps with anxiety.
    Lots and lots of kisses x

    • Jenny; Cheetahs In My Shoes & Just Photos By Me says

      Big hug to you too lovely – here’s to getting rid of the stigma x

  8. Stacey Corrin says

    Just remember – you are an incredibly strong woman, if you weren’t you wouldn’t have even written this post. You manage to keep going, no matter what is thrown at you and for that, I admire you. I won’t patronise you by saying ‘chin up love’, instead know that you have reams of people who are here for you. x

    • Jenny; Cheetahs In My Shoes & Just Photos By Me says

      Some days I don’t feel that strong but I don’t think there’s a choice when it comes to keeping going. Knowing that the support is there is wonderful, thank you x

  9. Aisha from Expatlog says

    Sending accident-prone hugs from across the pond. xxx
    You DO know that you’re brilliant though, right? Alice can make tea! Streets ahead. Nuff said.
    *makes mental note to get arse in gear and exploit eldest TO THE MAX*

    • Jenny; Cheetahs In My Shoes & Just Photos By Me says

      Get the biggest making breakfast for the smaller ones and making tea and you may have cracked it x

  10. Mummy Whisperer says

    I’m so sorry I can’t help properly lovely – but at least I can offer you some pampering at the salon – I’ve put you top of the blogging list!

    • Jenny; Cheetahs In My Shoes & Just Photos By Me says

      And that means the world. Thank you so much x

  11. Jo says

    I too send virtual hugs and understanding…School and its personnel can be tough for these children and their parents. I wish you good luck and strength for your meeting.

    • Jenny; Cheetahs In My Shoes & Just Photos By Me says

      Thank you Jo – I will update you when I know more x

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