I have an apology for you dear readers and friends. It’s not that I have nothing to write. I have a head full of posts, some half written, photos ready to go but they don’t read like I’ve written them. They’re not good enough for me to be prepared to share at the moment – so I’m not able to hit ‘publish’ – I’m sure I’ll go back over them, tweak and then let them loose on the internet but just not now.
Someone said to me today that the damp weather was making her depressed and how was I? I said I was fine. I didn’t say that if she was only being dragged down by damp weather and having to pick her children up from school what a lucky lady she was. Nor that I suspected she had no idea what depression was like. Or what it’s been like for the first week of school in our house – juggling clinical needs, bleeding noses, anxiety, stress, anger, snot, partial dislocations, tantrums and general exhaustion. When even a trip to the zoo in the most beautiful sunny warmth did nothing to appease the anguish of the return to the classroom.
How frustrating it is to have to go through, again, everything that my children can’t do – accentuate the negative, explain the pain, the fatigue, the anxiety, the importance of medication. How hard it is to sit at work/home and feel physically sick when the school number comes up, again, on my mobile.
I’ve a big meeting on Friday – I’ve prepared, I’ve worried, I’ve written notes, I’ve worried. Once it’s done I will be able to make a plan – whether that’s going with a plan that someone else is making, or wondering how the **** I’m going to do it by myself. Once that’s done, normal service may resume.